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I never expected my life to split into Before and After John jumped.
When my husband, FDNY firefighter John Bellew, was forced to jump from a burning building on Black Sunday in the Bronx, January 23, 2005, I was left at 35 years old to raise our four young children alone while navigating a grief I couldn't fathom and an anxiety I couldn’t control. Eventually, the headlines ended. The ceremonies ended. But the fear didn’t.What followed wasn’t just loss — it was hypervigilance, panic attacks, guilt, and the exhausting mental gymnastics of trying to keep my children safe in a world that no longer felt predictable. I tried to outthink tragedy. I tried to prepare for every possible danger. (If you’ve ever rehearsed fire drills with your kids, we might be kindred spirits.) I tried to be strong — even when I was unraveling.This book isn’t just about surviving loss. It’s about parenting through anxiety, learning to seek help, and eventually finding the courage to risk love again — knowing full well what it costs to lose it.Sometimes heavy, occasionally funny, and very honest, if you’ve ever had your world change in an instant — or loved someone enough to be afraid of losing them — this story is for you.
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Eileen Bellew | True Blue Press LLC
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